Warning: tonight I am an opinionated housewife who has had a few glasses of wine!
As you all know I have been seeking work for a couple of months now. My husband and I have agreed that it will probably benefit our whole family if I return to work because it will make me happier and that will benefit everyone else. Unfortunately for me, I'm at the bottom of the job candidate food chain what with my lack of non-mommy skills and poor work history. So . . . I'm still just a stay at home mom. Yes, I recognize the value of raising my own kids, and I certainly know that I am doing hard work everyday. But at the risk of being criticized by other moms, it's just not fulfilling to me. I used to dress professionally and interact with adults every day, and now I wear jeans and a ponytail everyday and I have semi-coherent conversations with my two year old. No one in my social circle thinks that I do anything more than play and relax all day. I have seen a study citing that working moms are in better mental health than stay at home moms and I agree with it wholeheartedly. I struggle a lot with the idea that no one really thinks that what I'm doing is hard, while work out of the home moms are held out as "supermom".
Does it not sound hard to spend your whole day assisting two other people with the most basic of human functions, such as using the bathroom, eating and moving from one room to another? Of course I chose all of this by choosing to have kids, but no one save for early childhood instructors really knows what they're signing up for when they choose to have kids. The first year of your first child's life is a crash course in selflessness. You are no longer "number one" to yourself, and that is a HARD thing to stomach. I don't take care of myself like I used to before I had kids, and I don't think of my own needs as much. I don't expect any pity because of this, because I chose motherhood. But the bare minimum that society could do is recognize the hard work and sacrifice that stay at home moms, and indeed, all moms, do in rearing our next generation. Moms everywhere, but especially stay at home moms are undervalued in our society and it is a crying shame.
I have not lost the skills I once had as a functional member of the work force and actually, I have acquired a great deal of new skills as a result of my experience as a stay at home mom. If I am invaluable to employers, it is their loss. But I am still the one who is at a loss. Our society just does not place the value upon mothers that it should.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
The Personal Lives of Candidates
The political world has been abuzz ever since John McCain announced on Thursday that his running mate would be Sarah Palin, 44 year old governor of Alaska. The pick seemed to be great to many because she is much more conservative than McCain which undoubtedly appeals to the staunch Republicans who were not enthusiastic about supporting him. Indeed, she seems to be everything he is not; young, conservative and in touch with the general public. Her husband is apparently a blue collar oil worker and she has 5 kids ranging in age from 18 to 4 months. Her infant son has Down's Syndrome. Yep . . . she should definitely be able to relate to middle class America, mothers and families with special needs children. Or at least I'm sure that's what the McCain campaign is counting on.
Today it was announced that Sarah Palin's 17 year old daughter Bristol is pregnant. I am active on a number of forums that have all been buzzing about this all day and there seem to be two themes emerging. One group seems to think that an unwed, pregnant teen daughter has no bearing on Palin's quality as a vice presidential candidate and that it's none of our business because it's completely irrelevant to the election. The other half believes that the fact that Palin's own daughter is pregnant out of wedlock undermines her advocacy of Christian values.
Barack Obama released a statement reacting to news of the pregnancy saying that, "I have said before and I will repeat again: People's families are off limits," he went on to say, "This shouldn't be part of our politics. It has no relevance to Gov. Palin's performance as governor, or her potential performance as a vice president."
What do you think? I see the altruistic value of leaving a child who is not, herself, running for public office, out of the national political spotlight. But I can't help my feelings that this situation does deal a blow to Sarah Palin's, and indeed, the entire Republican party's platform of family values. Let's start with abstinence only sex ed in schools. If the child of someone like Sarah Palin is having sex out of wedlock, why should anyone think that other teens are heeding the message of abstinence only? Yes, abstinence is the best choice and should be promoted to teens, but they need to know WHY abstinence is the best choice before we can realistically expect them to do it. They need to know what the real, perhaps negative and lifelong consequences of having sex are. They need to know that all methods of contraception have a failure rate. Once they know those things, that's when we should be telling them that abstinence is the best choice. So as much as I want to forget about the fact that Palin's daughter is pregnant and stop talking about it, I can't.
I feel that the personal life of a candidate for public office offers insight into how they will conduct themselves if they are elected. I don't know if the pregnancy of Palin's daughter by itself offers any kind of new insight about her, but her conduct from here on will. Will she continue to advocate for abstinence only sex ed despite the fact that it was ineffective in her personal life? I think it matters.
Today it was announced that Sarah Palin's 17 year old daughter Bristol is pregnant. I am active on a number of forums that have all been buzzing about this all day and there seem to be two themes emerging. One group seems to think that an unwed, pregnant teen daughter has no bearing on Palin's quality as a vice presidential candidate and that it's none of our business because it's completely irrelevant to the election. The other half believes that the fact that Palin's own daughter is pregnant out of wedlock undermines her advocacy of Christian values.
Barack Obama released a statement reacting to news of the pregnancy saying that, "I have said before and I will repeat again: People's families are off limits," he went on to say, "This shouldn't be part of our politics. It has no relevance to Gov. Palin's performance as governor, or her potential performance as a vice president."
What do you think? I see the altruistic value of leaving a child who is not, herself, running for public office, out of the national political spotlight. But I can't help my feelings that this situation does deal a blow to Sarah Palin's, and indeed, the entire Republican party's platform of family values. Let's start with abstinence only sex ed in schools. If the child of someone like Sarah Palin is having sex out of wedlock, why should anyone think that other teens are heeding the message of abstinence only? Yes, abstinence is the best choice and should be promoted to teens, but they need to know WHY abstinence is the best choice before we can realistically expect them to do it. They need to know what the real, perhaps negative and lifelong consequences of having sex are. They need to know that all methods of contraception have a failure rate. Once they know those things, that's when we should be telling them that abstinence is the best choice. So as much as I want to forget about the fact that Palin's daughter is pregnant and stop talking about it, I can't.
I feel that the personal life of a candidate for public office offers insight into how they will conduct themselves if they are elected. I don't know if the pregnancy of Palin's daughter by itself offers any kind of new insight about her, but her conduct from here on will. Will she continue to advocate for abstinence only sex ed despite the fact that it was ineffective in her personal life? I think it matters.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
The Mommy Track
I have been a stay at home mom for over 2 years now. I was laid off from my last real job when I was 3 months pregnant with my first child and partially because it was pretty difficult to find work after disclosing my pregnancy to potential employers and partially because we were considering me becoming a stay at home mom anyway, I started staying home. It has been very nice to have the luxury of spending these early months and years of my kids' lives right there with them, but a part of me has never stopped yearning for the fulfillment I used to get from working. I have recently started seeking employment again, and can't really wait to return to work.
You always hear about the "mommy track" but I don't know if anyone really thinks it ever happens to them. You know, how once a woman has kids even if she goes back to full time work after 8 weeks, she is never regarded the same by her colleagues and superiors again, she is passed over for promotions, given less prestigious assignments, etc. Obviously as a stay at home mom I would have no reason to suspect that I would be mommy tracked. My only bosses are my 2 year old and my 9 month old! What are they going to do . . . outsource the diaper changing? Sounds ok to me! In all seriousness, the mommy track is real, and it affects all moms everywhere whether they stay at home or not, unless they plan never to work again for the rest of their lives.
I know quite a few professionals in my area that are in positions to help me find the kind of employment I'm seeking. I guess you could call me "connected". It's partly because of what I used to do for work before having kids and partly because of what my husband still does for work. You'd think this would make it easy for me to find employment, but not so. Every person I've discussed my decision with has asked numerous times if I'm really ready to be away from my kids. They ask me if I'm ready for the reality of sending them to daycare. I most certainly am, or else I would not be going so far as actually making inquiries. Once we've established that I'm ready to leave my kids in daycare in pursuit of gainful employment, I get "part time" and "mother's hours" thrown at me. I try not to fault people for jumping to that conclusion, but I kind of resent the implication that because I have children I am less serious about working than a child-free woman.
Of course there's a gap in my work history, but in the time that I've been a stay at home mom I have obtained a professional license that will be useful in the field I'm trying to return to and I have taken a wide variety of continuing education classes. I'm in a much better position than some stay at home moms to return to work. I have obviously been keeping myself up to date and relevant. My goal has obviously not been to stay at home with my kids until the end of time.
Still . . . I find myself faced with the notion that it's every woman's dream to stay at home with her kids and that by choosing to return to work even though I don't have to, I am probably making a choice I'll end up regretting. People seem to think that I have it made, and I should just keep on keeping on the way I am because I will surely be happiest this way. Pardon my saying so, but if you're a man, a child-free woman, or a work out of the home mom, you have no idea whether or not I have it "made", and I really think I'm the person best qualified to determine whether or not I'm satisfied with my day to day life.
I'm not sure what the real point of this post was other than to vent about a personal struggle I'm facing right now, but I thought it was also an interesting topic that I could shed an unusual perspective on.
You always hear about the "mommy track" but I don't know if anyone really thinks it ever happens to them. You know, how once a woman has kids even if she goes back to full time work after 8 weeks, she is never regarded the same by her colleagues and superiors again, she is passed over for promotions, given less prestigious assignments, etc. Obviously as a stay at home mom I would have no reason to suspect that I would be mommy tracked. My only bosses are my 2 year old and my 9 month old! What are they going to do . . . outsource the diaper changing? Sounds ok to me! In all seriousness, the mommy track is real, and it affects all moms everywhere whether they stay at home or not, unless they plan never to work again for the rest of their lives.
I know quite a few professionals in my area that are in positions to help me find the kind of employment I'm seeking. I guess you could call me "connected". It's partly because of what I used to do for work before having kids and partly because of what my husband still does for work. You'd think this would make it easy for me to find employment, but not so. Every person I've discussed my decision with has asked numerous times if I'm really ready to be away from my kids. They ask me if I'm ready for the reality of sending them to daycare. I most certainly am, or else I would not be going so far as actually making inquiries. Once we've established that I'm ready to leave my kids in daycare in pursuit of gainful employment, I get "part time" and "mother's hours" thrown at me. I try not to fault people for jumping to that conclusion, but I kind of resent the implication that because I have children I am less serious about working than a child-free woman.
Of course there's a gap in my work history, but in the time that I've been a stay at home mom I have obtained a professional license that will be useful in the field I'm trying to return to and I have taken a wide variety of continuing education classes. I'm in a much better position than some stay at home moms to return to work. I have obviously been keeping myself up to date and relevant. My goal has obviously not been to stay at home with my kids until the end of time.
Still . . . I find myself faced with the notion that it's every woman's dream to stay at home with her kids and that by choosing to return to work even though I don't have to, I am probably making a choice I'll end up regretting. People seem to think that I have it made, and I should just keep on keeping on the way I am because I will surely be happiest this way. Pardon my saying so, but if you're a man, a child-free woman, or a work out of the home mom, you have no idea whether or not I have it "made", and I really think I'm the person best qualified to determine whether or not I'm satisfied with my day to day life.
I'm not sure what the real point of this post was other than to vent about a personal struggle I'm facing right now, but I thought it was also an interesting topic that I could shed an unusual perspective on.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Abortion Rights And The State Of Politics
I've been engaging in a debate on one of my message boards recently that has just kept me thinking. One mom that I know cites his pro-choice stance and voting record on matters of abortion legislation as some of the primary reasons she won't vote for Barack Obama. Conversely, those are two of the primary reasons I will be voting for him. I think reproductive rights for women have taken many steps backwards at the hands of the Bush administration and while they might not be at the forefront of a lot of American's minds these days with us at war and the state of the economy, they are still very important. Many pro-lifers are on record as saying that it would be more effective to slowly chip away at Roe vs. Wade than to directly try to overturn it completely, and I believe that is what's being done. It has to stop.
I'm someone who has found myself pregnant unexpectedly and chosen to keep the baby. Not long after, I tried to get pregnant again and now have two beautiful children. I loved being pregnant, I felt empowered by childbirth, and I couldn't imagine my life without my children. I have also never been as pro-choice as I am now. I had it VERY easy in pregnancy in childbirth. A lot of women are not as lucky as I was. Before I went through it for myself I had very little actual understanding of how profound and life changing the experiences of pregnancy and childbirth actually are. More than ever, I believe that no woman should be forced to remain pregnant because of another person's moral beliefs.
The issue of abortion rights goes beyond whether or not a pregnant woman will get an abortion. The more we concede that fetuses have rights, the fewer rights pregnant women retain. There is only one body, and during pregnancy it is sustaining two lives. Who gets to decide what that one body will or will not go through? The doctor, someone who has only a cordial relationship with the pregnant woman? A group of law makers who have most likely never met the pregnant woman? The fetus, who is not capable of sentient thought? NO. The pregnant woman, the only person who knows what she is mentally and physically capable of dealing with. Many who are pro-life advocate for personhood for fetuses. Granting personhood to fetuses would put us on a very slippery slope where pregnant women could lose a lot of righs. I think a lot of female pro-lifers have on rose colored glasses if they think that anti-abortion legislation would never affect them.
I will never understand how one group of people can think that their moral beliefs should dictate what EVERYONE will do. It is narrow-mindedness at its finest.
I'm someone who has found myself pregnant unexpectedly and chosen to keep the baby. Not long after, I tried to get pregnant again and now have two beautiful children. I loved being pregnant, I felt empowered by childbirth, and I couldn't imagine my life without my children. I have also never been as pro-choice as I am now. I had it VERY easy in pregnancy in childbirth. A lot of women are not as lucky as I was. Before I went through it for myself I had very little actual understanding of how profound and life changing the experiences of pregnancy and childbirth actually are. More than ever, I believe that no woman should be forced to remain pregnant because of another person's moral beliefs.
The issue of abortion rights goes beyond whether or not a pregnant woman will get an abortion. The more we concede that fetuses have rights, the fewer rights pregnant women retain. There is only one body, and during pregnancy it is sustaining two lives. Who gets to decide what that one body will or will not go through? The doctor, someone who has only a cordial relationship with the pregnant woman? A group of law makers who have most likely never met the pregnant woman? The fetus, who is not capable of sentient thought? NO. The pregnant woman, the only person who knows what she is mentally and physically capable of dealing with. Many who are pro-life advocate for personhood for fetuses. Granting personhood to fetuses would put us on a very slippery slope where pregnant women could lose a lot of righs. I think a lot of female pro-lifers have on rose colored glasses if they think that anti-abortion legislation would never affect them.
I will never understand how one group of people can think that their moral beliefs should dictate what EVERYONE will do. It is narrow-mindedness at its finest.
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