The Mommy Track

I have been a stay at home mom for over 2 years now. I was laid off from my last real job when I was 3 months pregnant with my first child and partially because it was pretty difficult to find work after disclosing my pregnancy to potential employers and partially because we were considering me becoming a stay at home mom anyway, I started staying home. It has been very nice to have the luxury of spending these early months and years of my kids' lives right there with them, but a part of me has never stopped yearning for the fulfillment I used to get from working. I have recently started seeking employment again, and can't really wait to return to work.

You always hear about the "mommy track" but I don't know if anyone really thinks it ever happens to them. You know, how once a woman has kids even if she goes back to full time work after 8 weeks, she is never regarded the same by her colleagues and superiors again, she is passed over for promotions, given less prestigious assignments, etc. Obviously as a stay at home mom I would have no reason to suspect that I would be mommy tracked. My only bosses are my 2 year old and my 9 month old! What are they going to do . . . outsource the diaper changing? Sounds ok to me! In all seriousness, the mommy track is real, and it affects all moms everywhere whether they stay at home or not, unless they plan never to work again for the rest of their lives.

I know quite a few professionals in my area that are in positions to help me find the kind of employment I'm seeking. I guess you could call me "connected". It's partly because of what I used to do for work before having kids and partly because of what my husband still does for work. You'd think this would make it easy for me to find employment, but not so. Every person I've discussed my decision with has asked numerous times if I'm really ready to be away from my kids. They ask me if I'm ready for the reality of sending them to daycare. I most certainly am, or else I would not be going so far as actually making inquiries. Once we've established that I'm ready to leave my kids in daycare in pursuit of gainful employment, I get "part time" and "mother's hours" thrown at me. I try not to fault people for jumping to that conclusion, but I kind of resent the implication that because I have children I am less serious about working than a child-free woman.

Of course there's a gap in my work history, but in the time that I've been a stay at home mom I have obtained a professional license that will be useful in the field I'm trying to return to and I have taken a wide variety of continuing education classes. I'm in a much better position than some stay at home moms to return to work. I have obviously been keeping myself up to date and relevant. My goal has obviously not been to stay at home with my kids until the end of time.

Still . . . I find myself faced with the notion that it's every woman's dream to stay at home with her kids and that by choosing to return to work even though I don't have to, I am probably making a choice I'll end up regretting. People seem to think that I have it made, and I should just keep on keeping on the way I am because I will surely be happiest this way. Pardon my saying so, but if you're a man, a child-free woman, or a work out of the home mom, you have no idea whether or not I have it "made", and I really think I'm the person best qualified to determine whether or not I'm satisfied with my day to day life.

I'm not sure what the real point of this post was other than to vent about a personal struggle I'm facing right now, but I thought it was also an interesting topic that I could shed an unusual perspective on.

Abortion Rights And The State Of Politics

I've been engaging in a debate on one of my message boards recently that has just kept me thinking. One mom that I know cites his pro-choice stance and voting record on matters of abortion legislation as some of the primary reasons she won't vote for Barack Obama. Conversely, those are two of the primary reasons I will be voting for him. I think reproductive rights for women have taken many steps backwards at the hands of the Bush administration and while they might not be at the forefront of a lot of American's minds these days with us at war and the state of the economy, they are still very important. Many pro-lifers are on record as saying that it would be more effective to slowly chip away at Roe vs. Wade than to directly try to overturn it completely, and I believe that is what's being done. It has to stop.

I'm someone who has found myself pregnant unexpectedly and chosen to keep the baby. Not long after, I tried to get pregnant again and now have two beautiful children. I loved being pregnant, I felt empowered by childbirth, and I couldn't imagine my life without my children. I have also never been as pro-choice as I am now. I had it VERY easy in pregnancy in childbirth. A lot of women are not as lucky as I was. Before I went through it for myself I had very little actual understanding of how profound and life changing the experiences of pregnancy and childbirth actually are. More than ever, I believe that no woman should be forced to remain pregnant because of another person's moral beliefs.

The issue of abortion rights goes beyond whether or not a pregnant woman will get an abortion. The more we concede that fetuses have rights, the fewer rights pregnant women retain. There is only one body, and during pregnancy it is sustaining two lives. Who gets to decide what that one body will or will not go through? The doctor, someone who has only a cordial relationship with the pregnant woman? A group of law makers who have most likely never met the pregnant woman? The fetus, who is not capable of sentient thought? NO. The pregnant woman, the only person who knows what she is mentally and physically capable of dealing with. Many who are pro-life advocate for personhood for fetuses. Granting personhood to fetuses would put us on a very slippery slope where pregnant women could lose a lot of righs. I think a lot of female pro-lifers have on rose colored glasses if they think that anti-abortion legislation would never affect them.

I will never understand how one group of people can think that their moral beliefs should dictate what EVERYONE will do. It is narrow-mindedness at its finest.